The thing about it is that I knew right from the start that as soon as my role as transportation was no longer needed the relevance of my friendship would be voided. It was that understanding that kept me from thinking that I had any type of deep relationship with her and practically blind to any sign or signal to come closer. I was always disposable, even as the big spoon. My biggest mistake was allowing the notion to take hold in my head that I actually mattered. A fatal mistake in all its glory.